I’m about to ask Google who in all of history are the five most good (not best, that’s different) people and the five most evil (not baddest, that’s different) people. I am not researching to discover a conclusion. I am researching to prove a conclusion. My conclusion is that money is not the root of all evil; money is the root of all. And so, can money’s path be cut off? Could what money has caused be prevented from having an effect?
The first list produced by Google has three communists and two Nazis (welcome, Herr Godwin!). Number five on this list is a woman! Madame Mao was more evil than Mao? This isn’t working. “Greedy Nazis!” – the top hit on Google is “greedy nazi zombies” on a blog. “Greedy communists!” – the top hit is “greedy communist Republicans” on Youtube. To bolster my argument, it would have been more convenient if Nazis and communists were renowned for being greedy.
OK. Regoogle. A whole TV show on Nero. He burned Christians, but it is reported Caligula killed for amusement. Sadly for my case, though, neither was a spendthrift economist. Refresh. Leopold of Belguim was a real man of his time, staking claim to a territory 76 times the size of his Belgian kingdom, and killing several million people so he could continue extracting rubber. Greed. Excellent. And all for personal gain. A clear-cut case of money being the root of evil. Will I ever find four more?
I now look back over the Romans, Nazis and Communists. I see a kind of idealism: massive building projects, massively futile wars, massive genocides, massive social change – often in a short time. These evil people mostly had one thing in common: they all thought they were saving the world. Noted for later: one example of greedy and evil, and several more hopelessly misguided and evil.
On to the good stuff… but there are no lists. No 10 best people. No 10 most good people. I have learned something already: either there are too many of the most good people to decide between, or it’s easier to pick out a bad guy. Being good, as defined by Google, is being great, famous, or influential. Now, as you may have guessed, we get religious. I’m going to insult everyone equally by putting Mohammed, Jesus, Budddha and anyone else prophetic or messianic together and at the top of the list. OK, let’s move on.
Next in line on many lists is Sir Isaac Newton. He really turned physics on its head. But so did a pack of Greeks, then Copernicus and Galileo. And Einstein was no slouch when it came to bending the rules. So number two on the list takes a similar form to number one: an amorphous blob, but not of godhead, of physicists. What do revolutionary physicists and the messiah have in common? One way to phrase it – massive social change. Argh – confusion. I remember “massive social change” from earlier. Next to “massive genocide”. Move on, with explorers? Yes. “When Columbus sailed the ocean blue,” he proved all those physicists right – that was important. He also proved you could effectively spread smallpox where no smallpox has gone before.
Just move along now. Real fast. Find some other good guys. Builders and inventors. That’ll do it. Gutenberg and the printing press. Edison and the light bulb. Bell and the telephone. Henry Ford and wage slavery? Our lives are easier and we can thank these people. But none of them made my life more affordable. Each time I press a key, a fraction of a dollar moves from one corporation to another. From my employer to the bank to the power company or ISP. I’m looking around the room for an invention that didn’t cost me anything and I can’t see one.
Oprah Winfrey has a lot of money. She gives a lot away. Oprah Winfrey has more influence than New Zealand. Oprah Winfrey is therefore a force for good with the magnitude of a nation. Oprah Winfrey is still alive and therefore can be the epitome of good for the purposes of my list. Actually, to be safe, let’s put her at number two, bumping the amorphous blob of physicists and the rest down. I can stop researching now. I have it. Leopold II of Belgium versus Oprah Winfrey. Evil versus good. Justice, it seems, in this parallel.
Can money’s path be cut off? Let’s walk money’s path according to Wikipedia and a dictionary. Money is payment. Payment is for exchange. Exchange is trade. Trade transfers ownership. Ownership is of property. And it’s hard to go deeper than property. Property is always by acquisition. Property looks out for number one. Destruction of property is criminal. Misuse of property is punishable. Removal of property is theft. Don’t mess with property.
Nazis and communists messed with property. Rome messed with property, and Caligula and Nero messed with the property of Rome. Leopold II messed with 76 Belgiums worth of property. But messing with property and getting away with it – that’s not evil, but good. Jesus messed around with property – some disagreement with the moneylenders. Every prophet had a fiscal policy. Explorers and inventors initiated revolutionary redistributions in wealth. Henry Ford redefined the norm for property ownership.
Oprah Winfrey is a property conduit. She is possibly the walking facsimile of the cause of money itself. The personification of money, she is a human centipede. Huge amounts pass through her like a digestive system. Through her, property changes hands, and she does not get away with the practice; she is adored for it. Why? Because the sleeping masses love to dream. The cause of money is fantasy. Delusion. Blind hope for an unreal future. A “Hail Mary” pass.
And the effect of money? Its consequential events? Think of something you cannot put a price on. Only human beings and abstract concepts escape a price tag. Even that’s debatable. The effect of money is money. Why give away what you had to pay for? Maybe Oprah can explain.
In Australia, Oprah ”gave away” $1 million worth of computer gear to a needy school (donated by IBM and Hewlett Packard). She gave away $250,000 to a cancer sufferer and his family (donated by X-Box). She gave away 6000 pearl necklaces (donated by West Australian pearl producer MG Kailis) and 6000 diamond pendants (donated by Rio Tinto). And, of course, she gave away the trip of a lifetime to each of the 302 ultimate fans who accompanied her from Canada and America (donated by Australian tourism bodies). [1]
The answer becomes clear: give away someone else’s property, and loudly enough, so it becomes good. Convince them charity is not mismanagement of funds. Bravo.
Now to solve all our problems simply separate the cause and the effect of money. I’ve defined the cause: delusion. The effect: more money. The delusion that money has value reinstates it. Cut off the delusion that money is valuable from what you stand to gain from that belief. Money has no value. Your labour has value. Your computer has value. The money in your wallet is worth no more than the brochures that clog your letterbox. But still I need it. Desperately. And neither Oprah nor Leopold did anything to change that.
Many unanswered question remain. Is a proletariat in power bourgeoisie? Were the Bushes evil, stupid or both? Does the telephone lead to nuclear apocalypse? But here is one answer: the good and evil acts committed by Nazis, communists, physicists and the Messiah had either everything to do with money or nothing to do with money, but either way, they left it untouched – money’s here to stay.